


strawberries

by catslikekenma



Series: HQ Swift Week 2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Hanamaki calls him beautiful because he is, M/M, Matsukawa wears a dress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26428183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catslikekenma/pseuds/catslikekenma
Summary: There's something in Matsukawa's closet.OR Day 1 of Haikyuu x Taylor Swift Week 2020: Fearless, Track 1 - Fearless
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Series: HQ Swift Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921786
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60
Collections: Haikyuu x Taylor Swift Week 2020





	strawberries

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey! i decided to join Haikyuu x Taylor Swift Week 2020 despite my shit ton of schoolwork <3 i hope you like this one!

Matsukawa has a secret.

It's in his room, hidden by the amount of clothes he had behind his closet doors. On nights when confusion hits him harder than it usually did, on nights when he's alone, he finds himself opening it, hands carefully threading through the different textures of fabric until he catches a glimpse of it.

He reaches out to touch it, fingers grazing over the roughness of mesh in pink color and embroidered strawberries. His heart beats against his chest and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

 _It's alright_ , he tells himself.

He's alone.

There's no one else in his room but him. Just him.

The thought lets him relax as he pulls out the folded dress from his very hidden closet shelf. He doesn't exactly know when he bought it or how he got the courage to do so, but he remembers using the excuse that it was for his girlfriend. The memory brings back the feeling of nervousness and self-loathing, of disappointment and regret, and he tightens his grip on the fabric.

It was always like this—a constant battle between the demons in his mind and that one small voice that tells him it was okay, that he didn’t need to figure it all out at once, that he could wear this dress if he wanted to.

Swallowing thickly, he convinces himself to calm down, pursing his lips as he holds the dress up in front of him, his eyes sparkling at the beauty of it and in that moment, he realizes that nothing else matters.

The dress was his. He owns it, and he can wear it in the comfort of his own room, free from the scrutinizing eyes of everyone else.

He holds the dress against him, smiling a little at the comfort it brings him.

He forgets about the phone on his bed, somewhere under the covers, getting ignored despite its quiet buzzing from the stream of messages that came from someone named ‘Takahiro‘.

Unaware of this, Matsukawa carried on with his night and soon found himself staring at the mirror, hands gently smoothing out the dress against him, a small smile on his lips. It felt right against his skin, against his fingertips, against the palms of his hands and he holds the fabric up to wave them a little.

It was enough to carry him away with the feeling of warmth and belongingness, and he had never known such bliss in the form of fabrics sewn together so intricately, so carefully. He spins around in delight, humming quietly to himself in approval.

He doesn’t hear the quiet squeak of his own bedroom door.

“Issei?”

They said the world wouldn’t stop spinning for anyone, but at that moment, it did for Matsukawa. He stopped from spinning, suddenly frozen in his place. He was facing his bedroom window, his back turned towards the door. He feels fear crawl up his skin and he’s scared— _terrified_ that if he turns around, he’s going to see a disappointed look on Hanamaki’s face.

He’s scared. He’s scared. He’s scared.

He doesn’t want to turn around.

What should he do?

His heart was pounding against his chest and he hears it in his ears. His breathing was fast and heavy and he feels regret in every inch of his being. He should’ve known. _He should've known._

He was disgu—

“You look beautiful, holy shit.”

There’s a shaky breath that left his lips as he furiously blinked at the curtains that were draped over his window. He doesn’t move nor reply for a moment, trying to collect himself, trying not to show how relieved—how happy he was because _god_ forbid he has never known it could feel this way.

There are tears in the corners of his eyes and he knows—but he doesn’t wipe them away. He doesn’t need to. He’s not crying because he’s hurt or confused or scared, he’s crying because those words that left Hanamaki’s lips felt so genuine and pure it feels like he’s been wanting to hear them all his life.

And he does. And he _is_.

Hanamaki just called him beautiful and all he could do is turn around with glossy eyes and a small smile on his lips as he asked, “Yeah?”

He doesn’t hesitate, not even for a single second.

“Yeah! Look at you!" He spoke so breathlessly, "Spin for me?”

The eagerness in Hanamaki’s voice, the wide smile on his lips, the sparkle and adoration in his eyes as he watched Matsukawa in awe was something he thought he’d never get to see in this lifetime. And he’s happy—really, _really_ happy.

So Matsukawa spins, just for him, just for his eyes to see. He had never felt so free and comfortable, so wanted and loved he never wants to let go of it, never wants to let go of him.

He feels a gentle hand grab his own, and he stops to look at Hanamaki. He’s smiling at him, like he always did, with bright eyes that shone in Matsukawa’s dimly lit room. Hanamaki brings his hand up to his lips and places a chaste kiss on it, eyes never leaving Matsukawa’s. He mumbles the word so quietly, _so_ lovingly Matsukawa had no choice but to believe him.

“Beautiful.”

Matsukawa doesn’t realize he’s crying, not until Hanamaki reaches out to wipe his tears away. He chuckles softly as he held Matsukawa’s cheek in his palm, “Even when you’re crying, huh?”

“Oh, shut up.”

Hanamaki laughs, the sound echoing in his room and he thinks it’s what heaven must sound like. Matsukawa playfully pushes Hanamaki away, making the latter let out another laugh as he found himself on Matsukawa's bed, his hand fishing for his phone somewhere in there. He pulls it out and holds it up for Matsukawa to see, “Been texting you and I got worried. Sorry for barging in like that.”

Matsukawa shook his head as he sat next to Hanamaki, his hands on his lap as he looked down on the dress he was wearing, “It’s fine. I’m actually glad you came.”

And they sat there in silence for a moment, thinking of words to say. Matsukawa kept his eyes on his dress and his hands, wondering if he was going to have to explain to Hanamaki. It worried him. He’s not exactly sure what to tell him and he feels himself starting to overthink.

“Do you have other dresses you want to show me?” Hanamaki asked as he laid down on Matsukawa’s bed. He stares at him, processing the question before he shook his head, “Not really, but—“

Matsukawa cuts himself off, unsure if he should continue. He meets Hanamaki’s eyes, who simply gave him a smile as he asked, “But what?”

Matsukawa feels it—the assurance that it was okay, that he didn’t have to hide who he was, not anymore. He feels courage in the depths of himself and it’s something new, something he hadn’t felt before. He likes it. He likes it a lot.

“But I don’t mind having more.”

His voice was quiet but it didn't go unheard. Hanamaki hums in reply as he patted the spot next to him, encouraging Matsukawa to lay down right beside him, “We can look for more. I know this shop you might like!”

Matsukawa had never felt so comfortable in his own skin, never felt so loved and accepted by someone else. It felt unreal, like something out of his dream, but when he lays down next to Hanamaki on his bed, wearing the dress he has hidden in the very depths of his closet, he lets go of that thought.

He turns his head a little more to look at Hanamaki, who talked about dresses and skirts, and polo shirts and denim jackets and all of those wonderful things—Matsukawa couldn’t help but love him even more.

Moving closer to Hanamaki, he thinks of making space in his closet for his dresses and the other clothes that he was going to own. He smiles at the thought as he leaned his cheek on top of Hanamaki's head.

"What do you think of this one?"

Hanamaki looks up to show him, eyes observing every feature he could as he held his phone up to show him. Matsukawa hums in reply.

"Hm, you think that'll look cute on me?"

He feels Hanamaki's lips place a soft kiss somewhere on his jaw before he smiled up at him with eyes full of love and adoration.

"Don't be silly, babe. Everything looks cute on you."

**Author's Note:**

> i dedicate this to my gf <3 i made sure they were the first one to read it just because i made it extra special for them. sky if you're reading this wtf don't read this stop right now (ily though).
> 
> you can talk to me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/hanamakinnie/)! and [this](https://twitter.com/Iovingmatsukawa/) is my gf just bc pls send them some love if you can <3 
> 
> thank you so so so much for reading, i can never thank you all enough hhhhhhhh feel free to let me know what you think! ily all thank you so much <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


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